Defrosting August

It will all get better soon, trust me.

You might know how it feels like when your reflection stares back at you and is frowning upon your torn, stressed face. Tears swell from the eyes of the person in the mirror as the reflection gaze upon the cuts you inflicted upon your hands. It’s still obvious, you see. Tiny drops of blood are slithering their way outside of your wounds, penetrating the layer of vulnerability and solitude that you so kept inside you but now is slowly releasing and showing itself to the world. Your reflection cries. It became so sad of what has become of you. Why?

  • You pity yourself
  • You hate yourself for existing
  • You curse your face for being so ugly
  • You cut yourself as punishment for being so unpopular and friendless and alone
  • You starve yourself just so you can fit into society’s definition of “beautiful” and “sexy”
  • You wish yourself dead
  • You want to disappear

But your reflection doesn’t think that way. Everyday you look into that mirror, your reflection reminds you of how precious and beautiful you are. It reminds you:

  • That you’re a lovely and a beautiful person
  • That your eyes twinkle like the bright, cosmic Sun
  • That your lips sketch a smile so wonderful that even Leonardo’s Mona Lisa can’t compare to
  • That your body is a work of art — a masterpiece — that’s everyday evolving and growing
  • That your hair crowns your preciousness
  • That you’re a smart and loving person
  • That you are someone worth caring for
  • That you are someone worth the friendship and the relationship
  • and that you can still survive and be happy in life.

"Just hang on.." your reflection said. “Time may be cruel to you today but it will all get better soon, trust me.”


INDEPENDENCE: Will be moving to le condo unit with my cousins next week. I need to move before I start my 2nd internship/part-time job in Pasig.
LONG WALKS: I can’t stick to my fitness schedule because of surprise errands and school works and internship and etc. I hate slacking and doing nothing which is why I incorporated long walks into my daily routine. After my duty in my internship in Delta, Q.Ave, I’d walk from there to Centris where I’ll ride any transpo home. This would usually take me 20-30 minutes but hey, it’s a time well spent.
GOING TO JAPAN THIS SEPTEMBER: Need I say more? Teehee.
BABY KAYDEN: My little nephew never fails to make me smile every time I see his adorable, little, mushy, jiggly face. 
FRUIT/SALAD COUNTERS IN SUPERMARKETS: Because I’m committing myself to live a healthier lifestyle (I can’t believe I’m actually doing and surviving this), fruit and salad counters in supermarkets are a blessing from the heavens of fit and healthy angels.
INTERNATIONAL SILENT FILM FEST: And I’ll be watching "Destiny" alone on my birthday. *sighs*
COLORFUL PENS: Because I want my notes, reminders and goals to be written as colorful as possible.
COFFITIVITY: This app keeps me sane when I’m in my "me" time.
McCAFE’S AMERICANO: One word: Decent.
GREEN MANGO + BAGOONG: It’s been weeks since I’ve been craving for this duo and I’m still craving for this now! Ugh. 
REIGN AND OTHER “ROYAL”-THEMED SHOWS:I’m starting to think that I have developed a fondness for the lives of the royalty and the destruction of their kingdoms. A little dash of romance adds up too.
FRIENDS WHO ARE STUCK WITH ME AND THEY’RE ACTUALLY HAPPY ABOUT IT
FLUFFY PILLOWS: These magical things cast a sleepy spell on me whenever I’m lying down in my bed.
INSPIRATIONAL AND INFORMATIVE PODCASTS
:)
  • INDEPENDENCE: Will be moving to le condo unit with my cousins next week. I need to move before I start my 2nd internship/part-time job in Pasig.
  • LONG WALKS: I can’t stick to my fitness schedule because of surprise errands and school works and internship and etc. I hate slacking and doing nothing which is why I incorporated long walks into my daily routine. After my duty in my internship in Delta, Q.Ave, I’d walk from there to Centris where I’ll ride any transpo home. This would usually take me 20-30 minutes but hey, it’s a time well spent.
  • GOING TO JAPAN THIS SEPTEMBER: Need I say more? Teehee.
  • BABY KAYDEN: My little nephew never fails to make me smile every time I see his adorable, little, mushy, jiggly face. 
  • FRUIT/SALAD COUNTERS IN SUPERMARKETS: Because I’m committing myself to live a healthier lifestyle (I can’t believe I’m actually doing and surviving this), fruit and salad counters in supermarkets are a blessing from the heavens of fit and healthy angels.
  • INTERNATIONAL SILENT FILM FEST: And I’ll be watching "Destiny" alone on my birthday. *sighs*
  • COLORFUL PENS: Because I want my notes, reminders and goals to be written as colorful as possible.
  • COFFITIVITY: This app keeps me sane when I’m in my "me" time.
  • McCAFE’S AMERICANO: One word: Decent.
  • GREEN MANGO + BAGOONG: It’s been weeks since I’ve been craving for this duo and I’m still craving for this now! Ugh. 
  • REIGN AND OTHER “ROYAL”-THEMED SHOWS:I’m starting to think that I have developed a fondness for the lives of the royalty and the destruction of their kingdoms. A little dash of romance adds up too.
  • FRIENDS WHO ARE STUCK WITH ME AND THEY’RE ACTUALLY HAPPY ABOUT IT
  • FLUFFY PILLOWS: These magical things cast a sleepy spell on me whenever I’m lying down in my bed.
  • INSPIRATIONAL AND INFORMATIVE PODCASTS

:)


From 200+ photos, I am now down to 5. I don’t know but it feels like I’m going to take a big step into adulthood this Friday (yes, I’ll be turning 20) and I want to establish my own personal brand. (Meeeh. What am I even saying…) I thought deleting those selfies in nashville, walden and 1977 filters and group pictures in collages would pose to be a difficult task but it was not. It’s just squared photos after all, I still have all the memories quietly kept in the back of my mind — and in my external hard drive. 

From 200+ photos, I am now down to 5. I don’t know but it feels like I’m going to take a big step into adulthood this Friday (yes, I’ll be turning 20) and I want to establish my own personal brand. (Meeeh. What am I even saying…) I thought deleting those selfies in nashville, walden and 1977 filters and group pictures in collages would pose to be a difficult task but it was not. It’s just squared photos after all, I still have all the memories quietly kept in the back of my mind — and in my external hard drive. 


Emotions and Nature

I am Love.

I spring flowers and make them blossom in pinks and purples. I make the winds oscillate sweet fragrances of roses and marigolds which make every colors in your garden bold. I feed the butterflies and the bees the sweetest honey which makes them jitter in each flap of their wings. I make leaves dance and branches sway. I make the grass raise their tops into the air and just let everything be free and wild while my existence is still flustering here and there.

I am Jealousy.

I dry the flowers and its petals grow weary and bleak. I make the wind blow subtle grievances of little trash and puffs of smoke into the air. I deprive the butterflies and bees with a sweet treat but instead, I offer them bitter and bad honey. I make the leaves fall in a fast pace and the branches nervously shake with my every roar. I make the grass bow down to my fierceness and they never looked up anymore.

I am Doubt.

I slowly suck all the colors of all the flowers and leave them boring and black. I hover with pollution and the butterflies and the bees can’t see anymore. I make the leaves scared when they fall and I make branches break with my every growl. I make the grass untimely brown and it’s slowly dying from inside out.

I am Pain.

I make flowers wilt. I drown the air in a filthy, barbaric stench and starve the butterflies and the bees. Instead of honey, I feed them spoiled mustard and dried ketchup. I make leaves dead and dry and I make branches shiver and cripple with my every cry. I wither the grass and I slowly degenerate everything my eyes could conspire.

I am Sadness.

I water the flowers, hoping somehow that I’ll be able to make them alive again. I try to produce more nectar for the butterflies and the bees by omitting all the tears and dispersing all my fears. I bring the leaves up in the air and I make branches regenerate from my despair. I cry the grass frustrating tears of dews and hopefully, it will all be alive and green soon.

I am Hope.

I made the garden alive once more.


An Interview with the Grim Reaper

I arrived early for our interview. That afternoon, I was wearing my favorite office attire. The light blue long sleeves with white stripes and the black pencil skirt bought by my Mom. I was wearing my lucky shoes, an Aldo black pumps. With the availability of a large mirror in the lounge room of that 5-star hotel, I took a glance of myself for a while. Damn,I look decent. With the accessories at minimum and my ID pinned on my blouse, I do really look like your ordinary news reporter. 

Sorry to keep you waiting.

The Grim Reaper arrived 10 minutes late. His voice was raspy and dry as he apologized for not making it on time. I told him it’s fine, at the very least he’s present for the interview. He shook my hand and sat on the couch across me. His face looked dull and gloomy. Creases wore his forehead and cheeks down. Saggy eyebags populated his lower eyes. His lips were pale. His nose was crooked and etched with minute moles on top. His chin was slightly curved and his facial hairs weren’t groomed and trimmed. He wore his favorite all-black suit — a white long sleeves covered with a black tuxedo with a black necktie to complete the get-up. His pants were, I presumed, made of cashmere for the texture was evidently soft. His shoes were pointed and grimed with dirt and mud. He only had his long crane with him — no bags, no accessories — just his crane. I offered him a glass of water and he obligingly accepted it. He gulped the drink in one swallow and I could see his Adam’s apples twitching on both sides in his every sip. He’s having his difficulty in drinking. After a few casual exchange of “hellos” and “how are you”, I took my list of questions out and placed my tape recorder on the table between us.

[Start of Rec.]

Me: Good afternoon sir. First, thank you for accepting my offer for this interview. It is quite rare actually to hear your side in every story. What pushed you to speak up right now?

Grim Reaper: Good afternoon too. Well, for starters, you’re very much welcome. I kept my mouth shut for the past years, decades and centuries. For so long I roamed the Earth and collected souls for a living — I thrive on people’s death. That’s the very reason why I exist. To collect souls and keep it for my own selfish way of living. To tell you the truth, I wasn’t forced to speak up at this moment for I chose  to do so, not forced. People these days, especially the young, think of Death as an escape — an escape to their problems, struggles and difficulties. They die because they don’t want to live anymore. And that is sad.

Me: You told me earlier that you thrive on people’s death, correct?

Grim Reaper: Yes.

Me: Then why do you think that it’s “sad” to die on your own? To die to escape from life when you will be the obvious beneficiary of such death?

Grim Reaper: The fact is, Death is not just a simple game of killing a human — it’s an art. Dying is a man’s last masterpiece. In my eyes, when I see the pain and struggles of the souls I’m taking, it feels like a paradise of abstracts, portraits and landscapes combined into one frame. When I get the feeling that someone is going to kill himself, I don’t enjoy the view. I don’t find the piece beautiful. It’s like a blank canvas with tiny dots and colored lines — a dull and plain death. 

Me: You still have your taste in dying. Why do you think suicides are dull?

Grim Reaper: Many people in this world are striving to live and struggling to keep themselves alive. Every efforts to keep on going adds up to the challenge and subtlety of the piece. In other words, a pizzazz. When you kill yourself, just for the sake of escaping life, I don’t see the pizzazz that I wanted to see. Of course it’s fun and all that more souls are keeping me alive but in reality, it’s a pity. It’s such a waste to see people die from their own hands. There’s no thrill.

Me: I can sense from your words that you still care for the living humanity, even if your source of immortality is death, correct?

Grim Reaper: Yes. Humans are wonderful and beautiful entities that live on this Earth. They are living context of ideas and thoughts with the power to influence and talk to each other. They also have the power to love and be friends with one another. I admire those characteristics of the living for such characteristics don’t exist in me.

Me: I’m beginning to see how deep and loving you are, Grim Reaper. Of course minus all the soul-taking obligations and stuff, but really. You do still care about the humanity.

Grim Reaper: Yes. I do. But most humans don’t care for themselves. Humans don’t realize the gift bestowed upon them and they carelessly put it into waste. Human hurting, teasing, blackmailing, bullying, killing and causing pain to another human is truly one devastating sight. Such sight can lead to suicide, and I hate taking souls of the suicide victims.

Me: I see your point. Any last words to the readers of this interview?

Grim Reaper: You all should appreciate life as you know it. Enjoy the gift. Cherish every moment and live with it. A time will come that I will come and get you, and that time would be that right time for you. Don’t make me come for you in your own decided time, it’s sad to take souls in that manner. So live on, be happy and be free. We’ll meet someday, at some point when you’re ready to leave the Earth.

Me: Thank you for the interview Mr. Grim Reaper.

Grim Reaper: It was pleasure talking to you. Good bye, and see you, when I’ll see you.

[End of Rec.]

He hurriedly left the lounge to take more souls to keep himself alive. I talked to the most feared entity in this world — the soul taker, the Grim Reaper. But somehow, the life taker gave me the hopes of being and staying alive. He made me appreciate life in a new light and inspired me to live happily and just continue on living.

Such words. Thank you, Grim Reaper.


Sunday Pool Party of the Level IV Accreditation Team of the Department of Journalism

To celebrate the successful visitation of the Level IV Accreditors from the AACCUP last June 30 - July 5, 2014, the Accreditation Team of the Department of Journalism went to Villa Gloria in Taguig to swim all the stress away and hope for the best for the results of the visitation.

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Not bad for 2000-3000 private rent eh? Hehe.

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The Accreditation Team: Prof. Pebre (Chairperson), Amy (Student Assistant), Jen (Reproduction), Yours Truly (Areas VIII, IX, VI and defended Area X), Michelle (DZMC President), Alyssa (Runner), Sherwin (PPP), Alen (Student Assistant - Dean), Ma’am Doris (Staff - Dean) and Sir Francis (Staff - DoJ). Not pictured: JP (Area II, III)

We spent that whole day singing, eating, laughing and enjoying ourselves in our Chairperson’s treat. How I wish we could do it all again. I miss these bunch.

And now for more photos…

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Before eating.

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Jen, Amy and I were the first ones to dip in the pool…

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And I got stuck whilst going down the slide. I blame my wide hips. How embarrassing…

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With the help of gravity, I was able to successfully push my way down the slide. Yehey.

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The boys and their balls.

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I feel so small when I’m with them… Hahaha! Who am I kidding? I am small, no matter who I’m with. 

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Alen-generated-ala-waves-ng-8 Waves

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Grufie.

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In between swimming, we would sing our hearts out in the resort’s karaoke machine.

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And sing.

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I told you we were singing our hearts out.

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And lo! Why? Because we looked like floating in water… though I can’t swim.

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And yes, I was too happy that day. That’s my signature “Ngiting-Star Magic”…

Hmmm.. I guess I just miss them all too much… Soon! Sa Majayjay na kami, after this sem. Yehey!

Photos from Sherwin Tinampay.


Meet Daenerys and Sansa, my two cactus plants which I got recently in favor to my 2014 goals. They are named after (obviously) my favorite characters from HBO’s Game of Thrones. I just like naming things. Haha. After a thorough research online on how to take care of these kind of succulent plants last week, I am easily convinced that it won’t be that much of a bother to take care of these two. Hah, I can’t believe I’m already starting my little steps towards enriching my green thumb.
However, if Daenerys and Sansa die on me, I’ll give up gardening forever. 

Meet Daenerys and Sansa, my two cactus plants which I got recently in favor to my 2014 goals. They are named after (obviously) my favorite characters from HBO’s Game of Thrones. I just like naming things. Haha. After a thorough research online on how to take care of these kind of succulent plants last week, I am easily convinced that it won’t be that much of a bother to take care of these two. Hah, I can’t believe I’m already starting my little steps towards enriching my green thumb.

However, if Daenerys and Sansa die on me, I’ll give up gardening forever. 


Plans, Bullets & Actually Doing It

Truth be told I need to get out more, live more, experience life in a more spontaneous scope, practice gratitude and meet a lot of people — I need to grow. Huh. Anyway, here’s what I’m planning to do: 

  • Run MORE and eat HEALTHIER food: I have to get my body up and kicking to keep myself healthy. Unfortunately, my "I’m going to exercise" mantras only last for a few days and after that whoossh, it’s back to fast food and to the sofa again.
  • Start (and keep) a positive journal: I tried it once, and I never did it again. I thought I was being completely tacky. But according to the philosophies of Positive Psychology, keeping a positive journal for a month can dramatically change someone’s attitude and perspective towards life. Sounds promising, yes? Guess I have to try it for myself.
  • Make way for new people and new memories (and reconnect with old ones hehe): This year, I met a new bunch of people who are equally fun and securing to be with. With all the free time I have before I start my internship after our thesis defense, I ought to spend time with them, enough to actually get to know them better. One of which is Cedrix from Tumblr who is a transferee in our department. Also, meet the people who made my online life amusing and literarily satisfying. I have to pay respects to the wonderful writers and bloggers of the Tumblrsphere. And of course, reconnect with the old ones specifically my batchmates, my “fonta” friends and also the delightful Aga and Allan.
  • Eliminate the toxins: What I meant by toxins is fast food, junk food, processed food, unhealthy habits, negative thoughts, my tendency to judge other people quickly and non-existent friends.
  • Travel: Alone. In a bus. Windows open. And I’ll be singing: "Let it goooooo! Let it gooooo! Can’t hold me back anymooooreee!" HAHAHA chos.  But seriously, I need to experience travelling alone. No inhibitions, no companions.. just pure spontaneity. 
  • Read and Blog more often: Need I say more? It’s therapeutic and tonic.
  • Learn something new: Besides drawing. I’ve been trying for months, and I’m still stuck with the same old squiggly lines and imperfect circles. Maybe it would pass as an abstract art? Nah. Maybe baking? Crocheting? Weaving? Pole-dancing? Yes, pole-dancing… pole-dancing is good.
  • Take my cousins on a Metro Manila field trip: Since we’ll be sharing the same condo unit I guess it wouldn’t hurt if I tour them to Metro Manila’s finest and squirmiest places.
  • Stop saying bad words.
  • Trying out new cuisine: I’m always stuck with the same old restaurants that I’ve always been since I was a child. Guess it’s high time for me to try new flavors to excite my taste buds… if my allowance permits me to.
  • Save money: Nothing’s more “grown up” than being financially independent… but since I’m still a student, I’ll just settle for saving up for the things that I want and only ask money from my folks when there’s a time of need. (or a thing of need)
  • No more reality TV shit.
  • Listen to inspirational and entertaining podcasts.
  • and last but not least, take care of a plant: A succulent plant will do! I just need that “feel” of being responsible for a living thing that doesn’t move.

I’ll print this one out in case I forget it. Hopefully, I’ll stick. :-)


Sunday epiphany: You lose yourself in service for other people. It gets tiring and frustrating at most times and yet you can’t let go. Still, at the end of the day, you’re still hoping it’s all worth it, even if you lose what matters to you.

Responsibilities > Self


WEFEA Philippine Organizing Committee Appreciation Party

Last night, me and my fellow student volunteers attended the WEFEA Appreciation Party hosted by the Philippine Organizing Committee including the incredible people from the Department of Finance at the Bureau of Treasury, Ayuntamiento Building in Intramuros.

It was a night worth remembering. We danced ‘till we coughed all our excitement out and we partied ‘till the last song dropped. It was fun being with the awesome student staff and I appreciate the bond and friendship we have since our first day in the World Economic Forum.

'Til next time guys!

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The band who did the second set of party music was awesome!

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Ayuntamiento Building.

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With the incredible student volunteers.

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Dancing with Cedrick

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and of course, here’s a photo of me, Cedrick and Yessu dancing with the staff from the Department of Finance.

Photo courtesy by: Yessu Hernandez and Denise Law